my creative harddrive has been erased, cause my brain cannot come up with a neither a title nor a topic…
I cannot find words to describe the things I wanna say without it being a cliche or just pure bullsh**.
I worry, I’m nervous, I feel like whatever I do or choose in life it end up being mistakes, it end up being wrong. Now, I don’t regret what I’ve done in my life.. but since it hasn’t really been the right choices, I’m scared that I will never make that one choice that will change my life forever.. I’m scared of choosing the path that will impact the rest of my life.. (I can barely even decide what toothpaste to brush my teeth with…) I’m scared of being alone… i’m scared because I will never become perfect.. in any aspect… Not one thing in my life has been something I class as 100% success.. i can’t even believe enough in myself to allow anyone else to have complete faith in me..
And I’m scared I will never be the top priority for anyone, not even myself.. is putting yourself first once in a while something that can be learned? now that just sounds selfish…. maybe that’s the main problem.. I try to see myself as selfless, so that way I actually become the selfish one?
see cliche, I’m broken, I cannot write without making myself red with embarrassment…
I read blogs, lyrics, random pieces of texts all over the internet, why can’t I have that kind of power with my words? I’ve had a wish once that I’d become a good writer, but I can’t even put my own thoughts into words..
It feels like all I ever do is fail, at any task i take on… is that why I’m struggling to find my place? How do you know where you belong?
I can’t even tell when you’re in love how can I ever tell when something I’ve done is the right thing?
Why doesn’t any choice feel like the one I should make?
Stuck in the middle of nowhere with every path as a dead end.. no escape? or?
the only thing that makes me think that there is always light at the end of the tunnel is because at every dead end there is a good friend with words to ease the disappointments of my failures.