In the shadows

One of my good blogfriends said she enjoyed reading my blog, because I wrote honestly, that I shared my thoughts and feeling., and it seemed like that was one of her favorite things about my blog.. So I wanted to do something on a specific topic.
I’ve been thinking about doing this entry for a long time, mostly because it is a topic that is very important to me, and because i’ve seen both sides of it..
I’d also like for everyone to voice their opinions, and even be inspired to write about something like this themselves, I’m not saying tell your story (unless you want to), but this is at least something I know inspire me to voice my opinion, I hope you voice yours too

Every schoolyard in every country has them, the one lonely soul lurking in the shadows, knowing someone won’t notice, hoping he or she won’t remain invisible forever, that someone wants to talk to them, maybe today is the day when their loneliness ends .
It is one of the biggest traumas you can put a young child through, being left outside, making them feel like they don’t deserve a chance in this world. I know myself that I was a part of doing that to someone when I was in primary school and up till I was about 11.
I wasn’t directly freezing someone out, on the contrary I was one of the few who found time for this sad soul once in a while. However I did little to help her, I was a part of plotting towards skipping her birthday, untill my mum told me if I did that I’d be grounded for a month. She told me it wasn’t acceptable to treat another person this way, the way most of us kids had treated this girl all the way through school, if those few of us who had made sort of an effort with her sometimes throughout the years let her down she’d be completely broken..I didn’t see it then, but I definitely see it now, that everything my mum said at the time was completely right, but kids are blind to those things.. It wasn’t her fault she was different, no one should be left out just because they stutter or because they have an illness, or just because maybe they’ve made a mistake.. they deserve that chance as much as any other kid.. Sadly I don’t have any contact with her now, but I’ve heard she’s doing well, that she’s got friends and that she’s happy

I know this now because I’ve also been on the other side, I made a mistake and I paid for it, I really paid for it.. I lost my best friend in the process, we had been friends since we were 6, and even though we patched things up eventually, we don’t keep in contact now.
But because of this mistake and misunderstanding, I spent about half a school year being the girl in the shadows, praying that someone would notice me, praying that someone would want to spend time with me. Thankfully I had an observant teacher and she helped me and those the whole issue really involved work things out and sure we don’t stay in touch regularly, as i told you, but we get along and we’re civil and there’s no hard feelings, we were kids, kids makes mistakes. Sometimes horrible mistakes, and because you’re young you don’t realise why it was so bad in the first place.

But those 6 months, they were painful, I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle 6 years of it. It made me realise how strong this other girl was, how much she’d had to fight against.
It’s been almost 10 years now, I do believe this experience has made me a stronger person, even though I sometimes loose faith (as you all know), but I was lucky, to have a teacher who saw me, who noticed, she picked me up when I wanted to give up and that helped me have a good last years in Secondary school..but so many children doesn’t have anyone like that.. they suffer in silence, it’s not fair..

I guess what I am saying is see them, notice them, care about them.. Especially if you’re a teacher or work with children or adolescents, i know all you can do is try your best, but show them that they deserve to be included.
There’s nothing worse than a blind eye..
so please see them..

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9 thoughts on “In the shadows

  1. Jeg tror dette er en del av naturlig barndom. Vi skjønner ikke hva som er galt med å overse noen, vi skjønner ikke hvorfor det er så viktig å inkludere alle og vi skjønner ikke hvordan vi skal gjøre det når vi er små. Når vi endelig skjønner det, kan det være for seint. Det samme gjelder mobbing.
    Du syns sikkert at mamman din var skikkelig teit når du MÅTTE i bursdagen, men jeg kan vedde for at du er glad for at hun gjorde det nå. Det tror jeg kommer av at du ikke skjønte bedre. Men som du sa at man lærer av feilene, så må man også skjønne hva som er feil for å lære av det.

    Sv: Flink uten snus, haha. Det var vel bare det at jeg ikke gadd å dra på butikken når jeg var på jobb😀 Og takk for at du syns jeg er flink med skolearbeid. Finner lite motivasjon til det ellers, men du hjelper til🙂

  2. Huff og for et flott innlegg. Jeg jobber jo i ungdomsskolen og ser dette hver dag. Jeg føler jeg gjør alt jeg kan for å være der og se de som trengs å bli sett, men allikevel er det aldri nok. Mennesker er slemme, og særlig unge mennesker ser ikke alltid konsekvensene av hva de gjør.

  3. Katrine

    Barn er onde, og sånn er det bare. Det er ikke mye vi får gjort noe med, er jeg redd. Alt er opp til de voksne. Og de fleste lærere er (desverre) mest opptatt av å komme seg til lærerværelset og få i seg kaffe hvert friminutt, så det orker eeeenda en time med “snørrunga”. Det burde vært en slags psykologisk test for å se om man passer i læreryrket, spør du meg!
    /rant xD
    Jeg trur nesten detta er noe jeg burde blogge om sjæl, for her var det jaggu mye jeg sku ha sagt ser jeg xD

  4. Det er viktig det du skriver. For jeg tror vi alle husker den som ikke er med i gjengen – eller var den selv. Barn er onde, rektig slemme mot hverandre. Det burde – som Katrine skrev være en slags psykologisk test for å se om læreryrke faktiskt er noe for dem. De er jo tross alt med på forme barna.

  5. Det er et fryktelig viktig tema. Det er veldig riktig det du skriver. Det er forferdelig med det og dessverre skjer det overalt. Enig med Katrine om lærerne også.. og Therese om at man alltid husker den “outsidern” – eller om man var den selv.

  6. ongar kan ver så fantstisk stygge med kvarandre. det e heilt sykt. trist at du måtte oppleva det, men nå e det vel sikkert som ein god lerdom? eller? eg vil nå sei at ein lere noge av det ennå om det e veldig lite kjekt. ein lere nok jaffal å setta pris på vennene våras:)
    på sykehjemmet har me noge av det samma. nogen som e frekke i kjeften og nogen som bara sitte der. prøve så godt g kan å snakka med dei som ikkje rope høgast ennå om det ofta e lettare å snakka med dei.

  7. huff, det er skummelt aa tenke paa just how common dette er i barndommen. Jeg som deg har vaert paa begge sider av dette, og jeg husker hvor grusomt det foeles aa vaere “usynlig”, slike foelelser kommer tilbake naa og da, kinda gjensoeker deg, skjemmes over at jeg ogsaa kanskje har faatt folk til aa foele seg slik, selv om jeg aldri har vaert veldig obvious aa slem, saa hadde jeg nok kunne gjort mer for dem jeg saa sto utenfor.

  8. Sofie

    Hey hun, I just came across this blog, and it’s brought tears to my eyes. I recognise myself here, as I was an outsider when I was 14 ( and maybe I still am). I tried to fix it by hanging out with girls who ended up bullying me. At the time I thought it was better than being in the shadows, but it changed me of course. Luckily after a few months I found some real friends and got away from them.

    Now I’m going back to secondary schools to teach myself, and I see a lot of outsiders, in the shadows, and it brings back all those memories. I can’t believe how children can be blind for that kind of thing, how cruel they are, it sometimes really makes me angry, but I’m afraid to go and talk to those kids now for fear I make it worse for them. Though I’ve already told myself that when I’m a real teacher in September, I’m gonna do everything I can to see those kids, to reach out. It’s at that age that they become their own person, and it can mess everything up if they find themselves alone in those horrible shadows.

    There weren’t any teachers who saw me back then, but I think it makes you a better person too if you can reach out, and when you realise you’ve helped someone like that. I want to be a teacher who makes a difference.

  9. KJEMPEBRA tekst Ida. Jeg har også desverre opplevd litt begge deler. Skulle ønske man ble mer gjennomtenkt tidligere, sånn at man ikke ser tilbake på alt man kunne håndtert så mye bedre. Men samtidig så lærer vi masse av det som skjer også. Tror det er vanskelig å få tatt alle som mobber og se alle som er usynlige – men vi skal ikke gi opp fordi. Jeg skal forelese Erlend om at han må huske å se ALLE barna!

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