I live healthy, at least I try, I try to go to the gym a lot.
All of this because I want to be comfortable in my own skin..
Today I had a check up with the nurse, and she checked blood pressure (which was fine) and weight..
which wasn’t as fine… I am the heaviest that I’ve been in a very long time..
Sure I’m healthier at this weight than what I’ve been before..
But being told you’ve gained 5 kgs, 5 fucking kilos is still majorly sucky..
I’ve never been a skinny girl, and I’ve never aimed to be the skinniest girl either, I just want to be comfortable with who I am. a year ago, I was… I felt good, my weight was good.. now I’m back to 15 kgs away from my preferred weight.. It was never a goal I worked towards, it was more if I happened to get there than that was alright, but I was comfortable as I was..
When I was younger, I could hear that I was bigger than a lot of the other girls, sometimes I was even told so to my face.. those remarks doesn’t go away just because you change, because you feel better, they’re always in the back of your head and especially if you gain weight they come surging back quicker than you have time to remember them..I know I’m not that girl on the outside anymore, but on the inside, she’s still there..
I know you gain muscles when you exercise, but 5kgs of muscles on top of whatever I already had?
nope something must be wrong somewhere….
I feel like after taking 5 steps forward, today was 10 steps back..
and if you’re norwegian, i recommend reading Daniel’s entry on having a low self image. He is touching on important topics in a personal and real way.
but on the bright side, we’re seeing Jeff Dunham tonight, I could use the laugh tbh.. and by we i of course mean me and Renate