I’m sure you know the feeling..
unless you wonder what the heck I actually mean.
It sort of describes a feeling of despair, almost like watching the train leave the platform just as you step down on it and you realise you missed it by a few seconds, and then you simply just don’t know what to do about it.
That might be a bad metaphor, since there’s usually another train within an hour later.
But my point is, I can feel the amount of work and time I need to put into especially my studies breathing down my neck.
Pulling at me, making my heartbeat faster, my palms sweaty and my brain hurting.
How can your brain hurt? I guess in normal terms we call it a headache..
but more intense, whenever I let it, which luckily is a rare occasion
I don’t tend to show my stress very much, because I take a bit of pride in being someone who is relaxed and calm, at least ’till I have no choice but freak out and run around in circles before I eventually manage to settle down and fulfill my tasks.. I usually get them done, but for once I could do without this horrible stressfull feeling.
To some of you there’s no secret I’ve been on the verge of quitting uni several times, it’s overwhelming and overpowering at times. Often I feel like the broken piece of a puzzle, and because I’m broken the puzzle will never be completed. But HECK I am gonna complete this, a few more months… that’s all I have a few more months.
I cannot wait for it to be over, yet on the other hand I am scared shitless of facing to world afterwards, because what have I achieved other than three years and a bachelor degree that’s more or less useless?
Now it hasn’t been all bad, don’t get me wrong, but that’s a completely different and much more positive story for some other time.
I am just hoping that once this is out of my way, it is my turn to be truly happy, because that is a feeling I have not felt in quite sometime. A feeling I think only the release from this nagging stress can provide me with.
I apologize to you my beloved readers for being in this mood tonight, providing you with such gloomy reading material.. I had a bad lecture tonight and I don’t expect much more of tomorrow…
But now I am gonna get some sleep, trying to process the book I just read for tomorrow’s lecture.
A clockwork Orange, I bet a few of you have seen the film… was hoping to get up in time to do that tomorrow, but that means I have to wake up in 5 hours..
p.s. It did however cheer me up to find out that I’ve never had as many hits on my blog as this month